This is my story

I met him when I was 14, almost 15.  He asked me out on Halloween.  I was very happy, but I knew I had to keep it a secret.  My mother had forbidden me to date because she had let my older sister date and she got pregnant.  I wanted to date him so i just decided to keep it a secret, cause I really liked him.  Well it was going great between us, he was a senior that year and I was a freshman.  I realized that I was falling in love with him.  It was christmas break though, and his phone had been turned off so I had no way of talkin to him.  It was at that time that my mother found out that I was dating him.  The only thing she asked me was if I loved him.  I lied and said no.  she didn’t say any thing else about it.  I started keeping a diary, foolish me.  one day she found it and read where I had been talking about her being a drug addict, how she never took a bath, and how she was so nasty.  She went off on me.  Started screaming at me how I just wanted to go away with that boy and be a “fucking ugly whore” just like I was born to be.  it was at that time her husband, my stepfather and the man that had been raping me since my real father gave up custody of me, came in and made her go to her room.  He sat me down in my chair and tried to make me go and appologize to my mother, I wouldn’t say anything to him.  He got pissed because I was finding every excuse not to be in the same room as him since I started dating Chris and also because I wouldn’t say anything.  He picked up the entire chair with me in it and slung it against the wall.  I just got up and put the chair up right.  I knew that if I tried to fight back it would just make it worse.  I hated him, I also hated my mother for knowing what he had been doing to me and pretending to kick him out, but then letting him back in just to do it again.  He went out of the room and I closed my door.  A few days went by and the only reson I ever came out of my room was to use the bathroom, never to eat or to get something to drink, I was too scared for that.  That night my mother came into my room and told me that she was sending me somewhere far away and I was never coming back.  I was so afraid, I would never see the people that truly cared for me again.  so later that night I jumped out of my window.  I was going to try to wlk to my best friends house, but my aunt that lived next dor seen me and offered to take me to my sister’s house.  She dropped me off at the end of the road where my sister lived.  Only my brothers were there though.  They never cared about me.  They called my mother and stepfather to come and get me.  When they got there I refused to get into the car.  I was forced to anyways.  The next morning my mother came and woke me up by punching me and clawing my eye.  It hurt so bad.  She went out of the room, and I closed and braced myself against the door so that they couldn’t get in.  It was hours later and both of them had tried to knock down the door to the point where the whole door frame was off of the wall and I was the only thing keeping it up.  My sister came then and rescued me.  I went to live with her, I hoped it was going to be permanently, but alas it wasn’t.  A few days later my mother came when I was alone at my sister’s house, and forced me to get into the car.  I foolishly did.  She took me to the nearest walmart, and I thought she was going to take me back to my sister’s place.  She didn’t.  I waited in her car for hours without a jacket in the middle of winter.  She finally called the cops and called me an “unruly child” he told me I had to go into the house, he couldn’t see the bruises that almost covered my body or he didn’t want to see them.  Either way, I was back in hell.  Christmas break was over, and I could finally see my Chris.  I went to school and tried to forget everything.  I did forget.  When I went home my mother said that I had to clean her nasty house because someone from DFACS would be there the next day to look it over.  I refused.  She called me a “stupid fucking whore” her husband came that night to try to comfort her a little.  I stayed in my room, she promised me that she wouldn’t let him there again.  She lied.  It was 2 days before my 15th birthday, and as soon as my stepfather left she started to smack me.  I started to fight back, and she said that if I touched her she would call the police and say that I was being an ”unruly child” at the time I didn’t know much about the child abuse laws so I thought I could get into trouble.  She just kept on hitting me, and finally when she went to her room I snuck into the living room and called my best friend to ask her to call the cops.  I didn’t care any more, I had to get out of there and if I got into trouble it didn’t matter to me.  They came and took me to my aunts next door.  The next morning I went to school, just so I could see my Chris.  I lived with my aunt for about 2 months until Chris graduated, and then I went to live with my best friend for the summer.  At the end of the summer her mom couldn’t afford to keep me any more.  I had to go and live with a foster family at that point.  I was still with Chris, but I was also only 15 and I wouldn’t be able to do the things that I wanted until I was 18.  I told him that if he wanted to find someone else he could, and he said “I love you so much and I want to be with you for the rest of my life, if that means waiting a few years i’m ok with it”.  I never knew that I could love someone that much after what I had been through, but I did.  We eventually found ways of seeing each other at school games or at my bestfriend’s house.  That was basically the only two places I could go without my foster parent knowing what I was doing exaclty.  On our 1 year anniversary, I decided that at that point I wanted to give myself to him.  A month before our 2nd year anniversary I was happy to tell him that I was pregnant, but a week after that I miscarried.  That tore us apart, because I was crying every day for a week, and it didn’t seem to phase him at all.  I started to talk to this other guy at that time.  He graduated with Chris and when me and Chris first got together he told one of my good friends that he was gonna ask me out the day after that.  We were good friends and we txted each other almost all day every day for a month.  Me and Chris had started fighting alot and I wanted to know that I had made the right decision to stay with Chris, so I broke up with him and told him that I might be back I just needed to see if he was the right one for me.  8 months later I had talked to/dated about 10 guys and I realized that Chris was the guy for me, but a few months after we broke up he called and told me he got some girl pregnant and that he was so happy with her and he didn’t know how he could have fallen in love with such a bitch like me.  That weekend when I was really thinking alot about him, my best friend’s mom called me and said that she seen him at his work and he told her that loosing me was the biggest mstake he could have ever made.  I called his house the next day, and he told me that he never got any girl pregnant, she was just lying to him so that he wouldn’t dump her.  We got back together.

I am now almost 18, we have been back together for about  now, and I might be pregnant again.  He knows and he is extremely happy.  I could have never been happier with any of the other guys I dated.  I know this now.  I will never make that mistake again.

As far as I know my mother is still living with her husband and was arrested for trafficking illegal prescription drugs, but was bailed out.  Her entire family and his have now disowned me.  I could care less.

I finally got back in touch with my real dad.  Every one was well, except for my papaw.  He died about 5 years ago.  Apparently they called and told my mother, she just didn’t care enough to tell me.  I never said goodbye to him, I will miss him so much.

This is my story so far…It’s not perfect, but I wouldn’t change any of it

Do you remember that point in middle school where you are tired of having your heart broken and tired of feeling just not good enough? That point existed for me up until the midist of highschool.

She was a girl who couldn’t find her exact place in the world. Changing her hair color twice a month and doing things just for attention. Angst was her middle name and no one was on her side.
He was a boy with music and love on his brain. Living an distant cold relationship with his parents, all he yarned for was that special feeling.
Both lived in a cooped up small town, outside of country tristate area. The school was full of options, some of which he tried and none of which she would touch with a ten foot pole. The similar conditions are not just so. They indeed admired one another.
The boy had what she wanted, he was cute in a nonconventional way, talented in the music department, and had that shy boy persona, she aspired to bust open. She was an creative, wild child that seemed far too out of his reach. If only they both knew the truth, this story could have been a few paragraphs shorter.
Freshman year was a dud, he fell hopelessly in love again. Only to find the girls were the epotimie of something he never wanted. She on the other hand decided to build walls & act as if she didn’t want or need any type of companion.
As the year ended summer approached. The summer brought upon unexpected feelings she never thought she could ever endure from one boy. This nameless boy was tame, this boy was smart, this boy was one of the biggest waste of time she ever commited her heart too. He played games with her and lefther usless and alone, while she suffered……

He was insecure and bored. Tied down by some girl that he couldn’t even relate or attracted to. She emotonally killed him and made him rethink why he would have ever gave someone or thing like her a chance. By the time summer ended so did his last useless relationship.

Myspace a Place For Love?

After coming home from a vacation she didn’t feel much better. Her desk and  webpage seemed to be the way to release her heart. He was outside world and music deprived, myspace was his way out. He saw a bulletin that was a simple “ADD This Girl” and he knew the name. By a click an a comment they were well on their way to a high school romance.
Yahoo was their communication of choice, along with shy glances at school and the occasional nod “hello”.

Him: so um do you want my number?
Her: uh yeah! Here’s mine ***-****
Him: ***-*****
Her: awesome, so um do you want to sit with me in the morning?

I always knew I was going to come to Australia. What I didn’t know is that I would fall in love here. More in love with someone then I ever thought I could be. So in love that everything I previously knew about myself flew straight out the window. Logic and reason were no longer ruled. All the things I thought I was were shattered in an instant. Let me start at the beginning of what my grandma now calls the soap opera of my life.

I was working on a cruise ship in Hawaii. I had come from Seattle knowing that this experience would catipulte me somewhere amazing. That it would bring the experiences I was restless to have. I knew I was going to see things I had only previously dreamed of. And that came true! 3 months later I was on a plane to Australia. Excited beyond belief and scared shitless. I arrived in a foreign country with no expectations or plans really. I ended up in a small island town looking for work and ready to experience whatever life threw at me. Little did I know that my life was about to change forever. That is when I met P. Acutally I met his friend first. We chatted about american football and why they were in town. A bachelor party, hmm, interesting. I ventured over to say hello after being invited by P’s friend to have a drink with them. P was sitting at a table alone. Was he alone or did i just only see him? I’m not sure now. P’s friend and I chatted some but I wasn’t very interested. P went to get drinks and I sat down right where he had been sitting. When he returned he sat next to me and we started to chat. All of a sudden in a room filled with loud backpackers drinking and carrying on, he and I were the only soles there. We talked very openly and freely. Like we had been friends for years. We all left together and went to another bar. As we were ordering beers P pulled me in close to him and kissed me. That embrace is still embedded in my mind and my heart. We spent the entire 3 days he was there together. All of his friends, including his brother, kept asking us; when was the wedding? We laughed and looked at eachother with a certain twinkle. He left on a plane back home. 3 weeks later I was flying down to see him after spending every night and day talking for hours. We fell for each other very quickly. But not like I had in the past. This was not infatuation, this was real. We held hands everywhere we went. We laughed to eachother about little things only he and I understood. We had started to make a life. Then the creaping feeling of reality started to set in and I realized I was across the entire world from everything and everyone else in my life that I loved. I started to talk myself out of the love and bond I felt for P so that when I returned home 5 months later it would not hurt. I began to believe that I would be ok without him and that I would eventually find this love again with someone else. I left on a plane home without telling him I wasn’t returning. I didn’t want the last couple of weeks we spent together to be painful. More painful then it already was for me. I got on that plane feeling confident that I had made the right decision. When I touched down on LA I realized there was a strange feeling inside. I ignored this and pushed on. 2 days after I arrived home and was greeted by my sister with love and happiness I told P I was not coming back. It didn’t feel like I thought it would. It hurt, it hurt to hear how I made him feel. It hurt me becuase I still loved him. Within 24 hours he had talked me back into coming back and trying. I spent another 2 weeks at home with the realization that we would work it out. That we loved each other and no matter what we could do it if we had eachother. But the damage was already done. Within that 2 weeks P started to feel rejected (by me saying I wasn’t coming back), scared and fearful that I would come back and then just do it again. He pushed me away. Refused to talk to me, would not take my calls and I would only recieve random text messages saying he was unsure about me returning. Eventually I got angry and he withdrew even more. He told me to not come back. That he needed time to sort his feelings out. Then I started to panic, I started to feel that I could really lose him. I didn’t know what to do. Go back and risk more pain? Stay and never know what would have happened if I had come back? I turned to my family and friends for love and support and got mixed messages about what I should do. So eventually I searched within myself and knew I needed to go back.

I had my first bf during my 2nd yr college. I don’t like him. He’s the opposite of my ideal guy in terms of physical aspects. But what tormented me over him was his  a good guy.  A kind of guy who  is very rare.  But no matter how good he is, our relationship simply failed. Maybe we are both young, careless and very emotional that brought our relationship in to edge. But we are still friends. He had a new girlfriend and I’m glad because I know that ‘girl’ will take care of him. But sometimes first wasn’t easy to get off on my mind.

My second bf was the man that I thought would be the last. I really fall on to him. I tried to be the nicest gf he had ever had. I tried to be patient and immature. We only have petty quarrels so that’s why our friends thought that we would last. Sometimes, fate has something to do with a relationship. May be it happened for a reason.

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