A Hopeless Romantic on the verge of Hopelessness

It all started for me back on my first deployment in Iraq in 03-04. I was always sad because I was very close to death due to my job, but that didn’t make me sad of my situation. The sad part was that I could die without having a woman in my life that I could love and also to start a family with. I didn’t know how to deal with my emotions at the time cause the only cure was a person so I was in a situation to where I could not date or find a mate. It was very hard for me and during those times I really don’t know how I made it but I would say I only prayed once out there and that was to make my parents proud and to know what love is.

Well, seeing how fate works at times I did run into this person there on the small bases that were built there in Iraq. We really hit it off and had many things in common. While we had to deploy back to the U.S. she cried and was very sad because she thought that it would be our last time to see each other. You see, she lived in California and I lived in Virginia, so that was the probably once we got back to the U.S. I told her on our last embrace that not to cry and if it was meant to be that we would see each other again. I gave her a butterfly kiss and she gave me a big kiss on the lips then we parted our ways.

When we got back to the states I was about to get out the military and had a few months left so I planned on moving closer to her to go to college and just to be near her. Well, I moved and we were having a relationship that lasted for 3 and half years. I had to move back to Virginia during those 3 years so really I was with her physically for about 2 years. I moved back to California towards the end of our relationship and wanted her to move back to Virginia with me and also I was about propose to her. But she didn’t want to move to Virginia and actually cheated on me while I was back in Virginia. I forgave her but it wasn’t much longer till we parted our relationship because of our many differences. So we mutually broke up and I moved back to Virginia and was slowly continuing on with my life.

Not many months after living back in Virginia I had received a letter in the mail about me being called back into service to serve again in Iraq. I was shocked due to the time I had been out of the service and was just not ready to due the whole routine of being a soldier again. A few more months went by and now I’m currently back in the same loop I started in since back in 2003. I also had some heart breaking news while I was here in Iraq that I heard my ex got married not too long ago with the guy she cheated on me with. To top that off I have been talking with a really great person on-line and was hoping something more could come out of it. But it seems like she is getting less and less interested. I mean there is not much I could do for her physically due to my current distance. And I see it is just more of a problem to hold on to her then to just let her go.

So now I feel really sad because it seems I’m getting older and I have not really had a person in my life that has truly loved me. I’m again in the same situation on being near to death and I just have bad luck with women in general now. I’m just a hopeless romantic at the end of the road now.