i think true love is writing the correct words

Love is so powerful, you should never mess with it.

My story happened two years ago..

During my sophomore years, I met this guy through the internet. I felt then that he liked me cause he kept on sending me emails everyday. And then later on, he asked my phone number and I gave it to him. Never did I imagined that as we go through communicating he was able to express his feeling to me. Because that was really my first time, I felt ashamed and afraid. After five months of our communication, he decided to visit me in my country. We met in person and he said he like me.. He became my first boyfriend and became the first also whom I’ve given the most important treasure a woman would consider-my virginity. Because I was not an experienced woman especially on handling such relationship and I was young then. I think he felt that I don;t like him because I never showed him my feelings because I was really shy to talk to him. I love him but i’m so hesitant to show my feelings to him.

After ten days of being together, he left for home. He sent me sms three times and I guess and decided to put an end to our communication, Because I felt that he is not coming back and maybe he was turned off because I was cold to him. But if he really loves me, then he must sacrificed also..

Three days after his leaving I felt like I lost half of my life. I want to send him email but I was trying to hold myself because of the fear that he might ignore me. I bear the pain. I’m always praying to God asking signs. Days became weeks, weeks became months, months became years and until now, I find it hard to fall in love with another wman. I am afraid I might fail again. Many guys are very interested in me but I just ignore them for the reason that God will give him back to me..My nights then were sleepless cause I’m always crying. I pretend to be happy in front of my friends but deep inside, I am bleeding. I am really affected. Frustrated. Hurt. Until now, I am graduating but still no bf. Cause what I want is him. I’m just not sure, i’m hoping, I don’t know if i hope for nothing. I don’t know when I can overcome this. The hrdest thing

After third quarter was over my teacher had rearranged the order of our seats and ended up right next to her. I was so nervous that my whole body was shaking, I went and sat in my new seat and you could hear me shaking in the desk. It was really bad. As the last part of the year I grew to like her, at first as a friend but then as time went on i saw her as more than a friend and i think she did to.

Well the summer came and went i hadent talked to her since the last day of school. It was time for football practice to start for the season and there she was, at the football meeting, she was going to be our manager for the year. You know being a guy and playing football i had to try and make myself look good and try to impress her.

Well she never paid any real attention to us players on the field until we needed water anyway. But sitting in study one day i turned to my friend shana, different person, and i told her who i want to go to the homecoming dance with. Thats where it all started, i was in love and i knew it because we did go tot he dance together, me and Shawna, and we had a good time. I wanted to be more than just friends with her.

I wrote her note that next monday and i held onto it for a few says wondering if i should give it to her or not. Then the day of our game came it was a thursday and i gave to her, not personally of course i had one of my friends do it for me. I was so nervous because I didnt know what she was going to say.

The note told her that i liked her and that i had never had a girlfriend before and that i wanted her to be my first.

I kept glanceing at her throughout that entire game that night hoping she give me a look. She did and i loved it, it put a smile on my face and the passion to win in my eyes. I did what i could to help our team go on to victory in that game.

I was so tired on the bus ride home, i sat one seat behind her in the next row and i was giving her happy but tired looks. I was about to fall asleep when i felt something hit me in the face, it was note from her it hit me in the head. i picked it up and read it when i got home, I was so happy

From the moment he joined my school in year 8, everyone said we would be perfect together. And well i thought he was really fit, but nothing more. It was hard to get talking to him at first because at that time i was quite shy, and so was he. But eventually we did get talking and wel, we really got on, and a few months later we were together. But we were only in year 8 and it didnt work extremely perfectly so 6 months later we broke up. We were still really good friends though, and we both had a little special place in each others hearts. Then last september we got together again and it was the most utterly perfect relationship i could ever imagine. I was so crazy about him, and as far as i know he felt exactly the same. We were only together for four months but my gosh did it feel like years!

We spent literally everyday together and i went further with him than ive ever been with anyone.

I once promised not to fall until i graduate from college.It was because i once loved somebody who fails to even notice me, or my existence in our class.This was when i was in High School. BUt Suddenly, as i admit to have been born to love, i happen to meet this guy who made me feel special among everyone else. It was kinda wonderful to be treated as if you were the most fragile thing in the world and you were handled the most delicate way he can. I couldn’t resist his offer and gave in into it after 4 months i think. At first i thought to have made the right decission only to find out that i was up for something so devastating and awfully painful!we lasted for a year and broke up on the exact date of our aniverssary.Its just so ironic that just a year a go, on the same date and time, i thought to be the luckiest girl alive, but just a year after, i turned to be the most wrecked creature ever exist. Totaly wrecked deep inside!Why?it wasn’t because he fell for another girl or that i did something wrong, it was because he was uncertain of himself and i pressume he had already fallen out of love.I can’t omagie how i bear the pain, but i did. I’m still alive until now.Memories do consume my soul for quite a time but i am trying to slowly stand again.I woul bravely admit that i still love the guy so much!I stil even dream of walking in the aisle after him.hmmm but for now, i have to love myself first. i have to continue life.He still text me, call me at once but i see to it that i am now in control of my emotion.I miss him.yeah i do!So much ! But i guess i have to try hard not to, i’m afraid it ill lead me astray. I was hurt terribly once, i’m afraid it will happen again. So now, i try my all to ignore the feeling inside if i want to succeed.He had left me not just once but for a lot of times already.I guess its enough.

I admit that i love Y, but its very difficult 2 me to love as my bf. I always share my problem to X n X also always talk to me about one girl he like. We have a same situation about love. we became closer. We can feel something wrong if not meet each other, event one day.

One day, unexpected day he told me that he fall in love with me. Oh my GOD i really don’t know about my feeling that time. Without i released my tears drop my drop. After that we make a relation, as a couple.

Still now we will still together. Of course we feel guilty with Y, but it is about feeling that we can’t control. Before i make a relation with Y, he know that i don’t what serious with him n just accept him for a while. Because Y very kind man, n can do anything to make me happy, i feel touched. Now Y can accept our relation, but not as closer before. We very feel guilty with Y, n if we have another way we hope not to hurt his feeling…2 Y we always love u as our friend 4ever n ever…

Its been more than a year. I still dont speak to my own mother, who refuses to apologized and says I got what I deserved. But there isnt a day that goes by that I dont think of him. You dont underdstand how perfect this guy seemed to me, and I knew everything he told me was all true. I just knew. My mom rubs in my face on how he would always ask about me and that he lost my email and asks her for it, but she told me she tells him she doesnt know it (keep in mind shes telling me this through email). He left the bar a month ago, according to my mom, and she has not heard from him since. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again, and it hurts to know thats the reality of the situation, but one things for sure, I’ll never forget him…. I dont know if I believe in love at first site, or even love after one date, but the chances are that now, I’ll probably never get to find out…

I’ve lived with the meaning of love all my life, right infront of me. I’ve learned to want that and only that not to settle for anything less. But then how do you know when to let go of what you thought was love or to keep trying? I always believed that at my age (15-19) it was impossible. That you could never find a guy commited to only you and no one else that he would never want anyone else but you. That by just the sight of you makes him happy.

When i first met him, he attracted me.yes. but it wasnt love at first sight. However, i wanted to know him. I first dated him for 2 and a half months but at the wrong time. He was changing and so was i. i just moved there and i was changing the way i thought and saw things, but i still kept my opinion of love.

That summer we got closer than ever and we became really great friends. i helped him through his relastionship, but with the thought of a friend. I shut away the little emotion in my heart. I went out with him by the beginning of the school year but broke up with him a few days later, because i thought everyone knew how it was going to end and i hate when people can predict what im going to do so i dated someone else. and so did he. until it hit me 2 months later that when my boyfriend made a mistake i knew i could have someone better someone who will love me and miss me. It was that night that it dawned to me.

He was going through a hard time so i tryed to help him until he told me that he cut his wrist because of something that happened to him. The three words i said next. i didnt regret one bit. i knew they were ment for him the minute i them and they were i love you.

Things took off from there. and we went through things that normal relationships would never go through. everyone told us that we fought like married couple, that even if they didnt know we were dating they looked at us once and smiled.

Im writing this story to say that not every love is love at first sight. that me and him are the complete opposites and that we don’t get along that well. but at the end of every day we tell each other we love each other. That not everyone is perfect and if they trully love you and only you! they will try their best to make you happy and listen to how you feel. That i may not marry him that he may leave me for someone else. But that i know that where ever i am on this world that he gave me true love. That everything is done for a reason. everyone you meet everyone you talk to influence your life and you influence them. And that you trully know if he or she loves you is that they’ll always try to have you in their lives that they can’t bare to want someone else. However, we cant read peoples mind so how do we know??

we feel it. when we see them. when their hand touches our skin. when they look into your eyes and tell you that they love you. that you will do anything for them. That you can’t live in a world without them….That how you know.

One thing i realized after we broke up , talagang di kami talaga pwede, even i really pray that hard , hay sayang sana if ever i have a chance to choose my sex, i prefer to be a guy, so i can be the man she deserved. Nakakapanghinayang lang cause of our overcloseness and over attachement i hope sa besy besy na lang natuloy e.. But I’m hoping someday we can be good as friends, or let say Best bud.

But still I pray for the right guy for her, na mahalin din siya ng guy na un, the way i loved her, the way i treated her as so special. She’s always be my bhe bhe…

I fell in love with CA, although, I was only going to elementary school, I didn’t want to leave. Being the spoiled one and daddy’s little girl, I talked my way into staying with my 6^th brother ,Jared, with a family friend since my grandparents were busy working 24/7. Those bad months of living with the lady was horrible. She wasn’t nice and always took the money that our parents sent us and use it on her stuff; we were still selling cans and bottles and earned our own living. My brother, 17 at the time, worked at fast food restaurants and supported both of us. When he turned 18 we moved out. We lived in an apartment for a few months before my parents visited us for the first time in almost a year. They successfully opened a nail shop and was doing well. They bought a house in CA for my brother and I to live in. Then middle school kicked in for me. Sixth grade was a good year. Like most middle school kids, we were classified into the pop crowd, the nerds, the gamers, the losers, and the normal kids. I was just a normal kid and somehow had a “pop crowd” boy had a crush on me. His name was Roy. He was the one who had high school siblings and basically knew everyone. I didn’t like him like that but he was a great friend. We hung out a lot and got to know each other pretty well. He soon became my best friend. We hung out everyday since he lived on the same block as I did. I soon started to chill with his friends also. I became a pop crowd girl. He introduced me to his HS friends and I started to hang around them. I had no idea what kind of people they were but with such an innocent mind, rides to go to places, lunches off of school campus, and after school pick up in a cool car was the coolest thing a middle school kid can ask for.

My brother was way too busy with school, work, and voluntary work, he gave me 100% trust. I took most of it for granted. I was always out and never home. I always told Jared that I was at grandma’s house or my best friend, Val’s, house. I was out, at coffee shops, house parties, drug sessions , and long road trips. Then it came to one day, I was 12 at the time, and I met him, Anthony. He was a junior in HS. He flattered me in every way possible. Picked me up from my house and drove me to school, bought me lunch, and picked my up from school. He was always really nice and I thought he was the one for me. He acted different when we had people around though. I didn’t really care, at least he was nice to me. We weren’t officially together yet but I knew I was falling for him. One night when he was dropping me home, he asked me to be his girl. My heart stopped and I was in heaven. I said yeah and we kicked it off from there; March 22nd, 2000. It was really weird. I lost my virginity to him two weeks in the relationship and it wasn’t because I wanted to. I soon became a rebel. I moved out of the house and moved in with him and for the next two years of my life, I was doing drugs, school was whatever to me and I just didn’t care about nothing but him. His happiness was always my first priority. I loved him with all I had and I would have done anything in the world to make him happy. Then my life became a living nightmare when I was 15. His friends started to touch me in disrespectful ways, raped me, and told him about it. He seemed to never care and yet, it made him happy and he encouraged them to continue. For his happiness, I held everything in and went along with it all. I loved him. I stopped myself from drugs and just trying to pick up on school work and be somebody. It went on for almost a year when I found that I got pregnant from one of the rapes. I had an abortion. My family disowned me. They said I was a disgrace.

Now all I really had was him. Jared always snuck me extra cash and buy me things but he’d never stick around for long because my family would have killed him. Jared didn’t know nothing about how I was living. I always told him I was happy and that Anthony treated me really good. He didn’t know that I come home and literally sink into my own world of lies and fantasies. The only place in the world that I know I can find true happiness through my denials from reality. I worked at any place that hired me and supported him and myself. Out of the blue, he was really nice to me again on my 16^th birthday. He said he’s sorry for everything and none of it would happen again. I was foolish enough to believe him. For the next couple months, he was really nice; never really home but was really nice when he was. Around August, I found out that I was pregnant. He seemed to be excited at first but once I reached 5 months and could no longer have any thoughts of an abortion, in which never crossed my mind, he totally changed. He was back to his old self; cold, mean, and heartless. I soon found out that he was cheating on me with Val, the person who I would die for any day. She was the only reason why he was nice to me again, she told him to be. She told him that guys were trying to get at me and that I might change my mind and break up with him. He was scared of me leaving him and decided to get me pregnant and made it look like he was ready to settle down and spend the rest of his life with me. The news devastated me and I sunk into depression.

My last months of pregnancy weren’t healthy at all. I had dramatic weight loss and I was constantly in tears and bad thoughts. Then labor comes. I had the worse of pain and had no one to help me. I drove myself to the emergency room, went through 23 hours of labor pain and on May 3^rd, 2005, Jarron Quach was brought into the world. The next day was my birthday and I spent it in the hospital with my son. Anthony had no idea where we were and we couldn’t get a hold of him. Then worse comes to worse, I had a lot of difficulties after Jarron’s birth and doctors tested me and diagnosed me with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, a heart disease. I came home and he could care less about our son. I started to lose my feeling for him. He was no longer the most important person in my life, I would not die for him any day, and he don’t deserve half the love I gave him. My son became my everything. I worked hard in school, although repeating grades was not fun at all, I did my best. I wanted the best of everything for my son and it made me so happy when I know I can do it. Time passed and I no longer loved him. I stayed with him because I wanted my son to have a daddy figure and never thought that I would be capable of raising him on my own even though Anthony had no contributions in raising our son. We basically lived our own lives for a good year and a half before the changing point in my life that literally ended all the misery and pain. On December 28^th, 2006, Anthony got in a car accident and died at the scene. I didn’t love him no more but that was almost 7 years that I spent with him. One third of my life was with him. I had my first heart stop when I heard the news. I was hospitalized but I recovered quick because I knew I had to be there at his funeral. I went with his family to pick out his casket, bought him the new shoes he wanted and just gave him everything he wanted. I cried and sobbed for days. That was when I contacted my family and told them everything. They flew on the next plane to come see me. I had a family again. They hated Anthony and refused to attend the funeral but they did it for me. I didn’t shed one tear at his funeral because I believed that he don’t deserve a drop of my tears. Closing the casket was the most painful thing to see. I couldn’t let go of it and I was literally jumping into the casket. The walk to the burial site was morbid. His family sobbed the whole way, I was carrying my son and we were walking there in silence and happy moments came rushing back to me and I realized how much I really loved him. I searched deep down in my heart for that feeling again, but it wasn’t there. I knew at the moment that it was gone forever. Throwing my handful of dirt onto his casket was so hard to do because I know that once everyone’s done with their handfuls, he’d be six feet under the earth and that my son’s going to have to grow up without a daddy.

After his death, I learned to put on a hard front. I was always the biggest bitch everywhere and I never showed emotions. I blocked myself off from love, always fearing that I will end up with someone like Anthony. I had to stay strong for both myself and my son. My family became a great help after the whole incident. They were there for me through everything. When I needed a shoulder to cry on or when I just simply needed some help with school and work. I don’t regret nothing that happened and I’m actually grateful for them cause they brought me here to where I am today. I mean, we all fail in life and it just allows you to learn a lesson in life. Understand this: you WILL fail. But failure is not fatal, as long as you recover from it. Everybody fails in life. We make mistakes in judgment; we become careless or selfish. Sometimes we just plainly blow it. These things happen. Your life will never be judged by the day of your greatest failure, but by the day after. What did you do next? What adjustments did you make in your game plan? If you learn from failure, you grow. If you become determined through failure, you succeed. If you are angered by failure, you’re motivated to change. If you rise from failure, you go on to greater things. And most importantly, never treat someone as a priority if you’re only an option to them. I’ve learned to be a happy person, no matter where it takes you. Be happy that you’re still here and never take a second for granted cause you’ll never know when your life is going to be cut short. However, all that is above this line is the past.

I’ve learned to love again and HE, Dan, taught me to love again. We haven’t met in person but I’m going to let my heart do the judgment and I hope he’s all that he had shown me. I’ve fallen in love with him and I really don’t ask for any in return. I’ve never loved anyone so truly and unconditionally and it’s just a great feeling. Due to my heart problems, I might not be able to live for much longer but I’m not afraid of death. I’ve had a good life and I know that there are people who had it worse. I’m happy to have found love again but it just hurts every part of my heart to know that when I die, he will have to go through the grief and pain of losing me. I care for him a lot and I really want to him to be the best he can ever be and know that I’m always right next to him through anything and everything.

I was in 6th grade and, I could say, I’m in love with a guy, who is owned by another girl. He was so sweet that I fell into everything he said to me– His’ lies. I am absolutely not the kind of girl who easily fall in love to guys whom I don’t even know for years or months, I say. I believe, love comes UNEXPECTEDLY.

Another man, who used to be my classmate and seat mate as well, is very close to me. But, I haven’t known him for years. He proved in all ways how much he really loved me. He courted me for almost a year. And yeap, we got into that relationship that didn’t even last. And then, whenever we bumped into each other, we’d never bother talk or smile.

It was in the same year, my 6th grade, that I had those 3 beautiful friends of mine. We shared almost everything– secrets, clothes, lunch and even shed tears. Jelynne, one of those wonderful girls who actually, I can say, is the prettiest amongst us. She got so many admirers. She’s so nice to all of them, that she introduced us, her friends, to one of her admirers. And that’s how I met that wonderful guy I know, is my Big Love.

His name is Carlo. He is a type of guy who depends on all the people around him. He has friends whom he can pay. He has this power to make orders to his friends because he has money. That’s one freaky little guy. Yes, we were young then. He was introduced to me by Jelynne. And all the days after that introduction, my days, now on, were very miserable. As I’ve said, he uses his friends to go after me. Tease me, play tricks on me, pull my hair and everything a guy, who grow up with no respect to ladies. He has never done those things to other girls, that’s why I find it so unfair and frankly told him, “Why the hell are you making those unfunny jokes on me, when I’m doing absolutely nothing to you?” But he never answered, he continued playing those tricks on me. Like using a lighter’s mini machine to electrocute me. That’s so not a gentleman.

The next school year, is my very unfortunate year– My boyfriend dumped me. (He was the one I’m talking about in the 2nd paragraph.) I go find reasons on why did he do those thing to me? Why did he dumped me, when all I do is love him. It is so unfair, that the new girl that my ex was courting, threw a fight with me. Carlo, that silly guy, never serious, and absolutely not a listener, went to me. He insists in telling him the story on why my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. I find him unworthy that I didn’t tell him. He returned to being so naughty and not-nice. He started asking for my telephone and cellphone number. His reason was he wants me to help him go talk to my friend, Jelynne. I agreed on that thing, but as long as he promised not to disturb me ever again. Every weekends, he calls me at home. He would ask me to call Jelynne in her landline. Then, he would play jokes. We frequently text one another for we are in different networks. We got along, but the teasing was still there. Every time he would meet me in the classroom or somewhere, he never failed not to notice me. He even memorized the clothes I wore and keeps on telling me that I wore those clothes already. I never really cared for him. My only job was to help him with my friend and that’s it. Never come into my mind that we would be more than that. Whenever he calls me at home, we always argue on why is he calling me. My parents hate it when guys calls me at home. I told him that situation, but then he never stopped. He calls at home and whenever he would be ask who is it, he would pretend he is a girl. That’s the point that I find him so irritating. We ran after each other. We tease and sometimes hurt each other physically but unintentionally. We find it as a game. We always have this bet and do a dare whenever we have a chance. It was fun, I realized. Then we started being so close, that we reach being the best of friends.

We play jokes on one another. But we’d never made it a serious deal. He calls on me, I call on him. We share homeworks, exam answers, etc. We pretend, in the face of everybody that we are not the best of friends for they might misinterpret it. I found another friend, her name was Clarence. She confessed that she has feelings for Carlo. I actually find it very funny that I made a love team inside the classroom. I kept asking Carlo if he has feelings for Clarence. Since they were teased to one another, it’s possible for one to fall in love or have slight feelings for them. But he keeps on saying “No.” I don’t know why, all of a sudden, I’m beginning to care about him. Not much and a little less, maybe. Slight feeling of care for him. It’s more like a switch, it turns on and off. The heck, I don’t know. I was the only girl in that room that he has the courage to embarrass me in front of many people. As I’ve said, we play hard jokes on one another. I remember one time, that shy guy was appointed to be an assembly leader because I volunteered him. But he don’t want to, so he also ask our adviser to be with him in the assemble. Deym, I hated him for that. Very! Cause whenever I had the chance to embarass him very hugely, he would pull me too. As if we’re together in every embarrassment. I take my revenge whenever I had the chance to. I would throw his things on the garbage bin and made it a secret. But he knew, it was me who did it. We take chances into fooling each other. I remember that day when we are assigned to make a certain situation on one county’s civilization. I was the leader of one group. He was an ordinary member, all of their guys were asked to take off their shirt. He wouldn’t want to. I laughed so hard, that he kept on asking for pity not to take it off. But I supported their leader’s suggestion that I made him take it off, he told me to remember that very day I made him do that. Hahaha.

There was a time in Biology class that we wanted to score a point in order for us to get an additionaly score. We teamed up. I told him the answers to my trivia questions and He told him the answers. Whenever I ask questions, he would be the one to answer. And whenever he asked a question, I would answer. That cheating moments find it unlawful by my classmates that they find us teaming up. But we never tell.

During lunch time, whenever I got a chance to be with my friends, we would talk on things. Different things. Then, he would pass me by and threw something at me from a far. I would get very irritated. When I looked at him, he would say “Hi” and he would fall down. (I laughed so hard that I reenact it infront of the class.) To my surprise, and made me wonder, WHY? Then my friends, including Clarence would tease me and ask, “Do you have something with him?” “Maybe, he has a crush on you that’s why he keeps on interrupting you.” Then I would say, “NONE AND NEVER!”

My drawing was never good. It was a subject that our project was limited up to 30 minutes only that we have to submit it before the class. And it would be used for oral recitation. I was doing it with him because he has crayons, and I borrowed it. My drawing is very simple, but he laughed at it. His’ was very very simple that he asked me to draw it. But I didn’t do him that favor. We remember our drawings. In fact, when the recitation day has arrived. And asked to identify what are those drawings, he only answered what’s mine and what’s his. Though he wants to cheat again, I never coached him.

Every little things that I do, he would imitate. Every funny things that I have done and said, he would remember and repeat it. I don’t know why he was doing that. But I never came into conclusion that maybe, my friends were right about that.

As bitter friends, we always fight. One time, he made a joke out of me that even my ex-boyfriend heard that. I cried. I cried and even spank him so hard. I don’t care if he was sorry or what. I am angry at him for a month. I was at peace. He always find ways to make it up to me. He would look at me, but I kept on ignoring him. It was that time that we are in a classroom-based film showing that I sat alone in my corner. He, too was alone. Without the company of his paid-friends. He would constantly glance at him. But I don’t make it even. I always tantrum and get out. But for him to finally make it up to me, he used my brother. That he made me laugh, once again.. i was out of peace. That I find it empty without him, the next school year.

I was third year High School that we had our friendship status on the next level. I actually missed him because we had separate classrooms. No one to tease me, no one to embarrass me. I really missed him. I’m always daydreaming during class hours, wishing he would pass by the room. And when he did, i would jump for joy.

We have lesser communication in those days. Whenever I enter the chat room, I always find him online. But my courage wasn’t enough to be the first one to ask him how he was. To my surprise, he never pass a day without asking me how am I. Every night, when I got home, I would always rush into my computer and see if he’s online. Then, we would chat. Everyday, that would be our habit. He told me his secrets, his crushes that made me wanna invent things. I told him a different name for him not to now who really is my special someone. He would ask my cellphone number, since we weren’t got updated for the last summer. He was in different network with me. But I don’t want everything to end up there. Since I know, I should be the one to make that move, in able for us to communicate even if we aren’t online, I buy the same sim card, same as his network provider.

We love badminton so much that we challenge each other everyday. But there would be not enough time for us to play. We planned one time that we would play. He waited for me after dismissal and we go directly to the place where we would play. Unfortunately, it rained. We just hang out around the village and talk and tease one another. We have a chaperone with us, that’s why we are controlling ourselves. His companion wanted to go home. Well, as for me, I want to hang out more that it took me all night in the village. I received a message from him saying, “Ate (Big Sister), I’m sorry I can’t fetch you back home. I was with JC that he insisted going home early, if he wasn’t with me, I’d prefer to stay. I’m sorry, I promise to catch up next time.” And that message was what I really waited that I wanted to go home too.

For all those months we are texting, chatting, there came a moment that a huge blackout occurred in the country. It was very hard for us to communicate when it has been 7days, no light, no electricity flowing in our houses. I’m losing hope. I have to wish him goodnight to myself. Just before our cellphone batteries turned down, He told me, he would call me. Everyday, every night, dinner time.. He would call. But not pretending as a gay anymore. He was known at home as my friend. He would even make jokes to whoever will answer the phone. To my surprise, my mom would laugh out too. He was perfectly everything I ever wanted. But I didn’t know, I would fall in love to this guy who have been so mysterious ever since I met him. His name is Mario. He’s one of the things I’d invented to Carlo when we we’re chatting one time. I told him he was my special someone, that it came true. There were times that my feeling for Mario will conquer everything in what I feel for Carlo.

It has been very difficult for me, especially when things turn out well between me and Mario. He was my classmate, so.. He is my roommate. Every class hours, I saw him and hear him talking. I loved those ways. But I don’t know why Carlo always disagrees with me when I tell stories about Mario, when I’m not doing those things to him whenever he talks about Hanah. Hanah was and is his crush. I was very jealous of her. Urging me to tell my friend to keep an eye on her and my Best Friend (Carlo). Whenever there are things, I get jealous. But I never, even one time that I disagree with him about her.

Sometimes, we talked about the most personal things. Ask me how he was when it comes to courting girls. When we kept on sharing personal things in life, I kept on knowing him deeper and deeper. But it hurts me when he asked me to help him court girls. When I ask him which of those girls he would tell me is the one she’s going to court, he would say.. it is a secret. But he would constantly, day by day, ask for advices on what girls like and what they prefer. I would tell him what. To that, we became a lot more closer.

Our school celebrated it’s foundation day. We had many activities to participate in. My friends told me to join in the Field Demonstration. I gave in. We are to demonstrate a Twist dance. I have no partner actually, that I asked my classroom bestfriend, Eleazar, to help me find a partner. I thought he would get me Mario. But my expectation failed. He took his friend, that I found very mean. I was also shocked to find Carlo in there. He was never active in participating in such. We were talking to each other. His partner was Pam, a friend of Hanah’s. I’m asking him, how come he was there. He told me, he was just pleased. The feast had began. We are allowed to come in school in civilian clothes, and even late. He ask me if we could go together. He’ll fetch me early morning and will treat me in the expenses. But there are some times he would not come to school that I would go with my friends. One day, he was not there. We are still texting. I don’t know why he was telling me rude things. That I even cried one time inside the classroom. I asked a sign then. But it did came true. My sign is that if the dedication booth played the song “Where are You” We would be hopeless forever. But I didn’t hear it. I do have a chance. The next day, we go to school together with his friend, who courted me then. He always treat me. He pay every expense that I made. It’s just one text away. And I wouldn’t have to pay for anything. The day of the performance came. I was very uncomfortable with my clothes, which is in mini skirt. He find it cute. But I find it distractable. His partner, Pam, left him and didn’t want him anymore to be his partner. And that time, my partner wasn’t around. He ask me if he could be my partner. I told him, “Sure!” I was so happy that, I almost thanked my partner that he didn’t came. But then, he came. Damn. So I had to get him of, he was just there, watching. I saw him just sitting in the bench watching me. He got home without saying he’ll be leaving. I knew he got disappointed. I was so upset then.

When our quarterly examination came, my mom would get my cellphone for me to get focused in my studies. I hate it when she do that. But I have to surrender it. I wouldn’t have something to communicate with him, that was the worst week of my life. The next morning, my bus mate, who is his crush also, ask me how am I. I told her, I was forever OK. I asked her how come she ask me that question when we’re always together. She told me that my best friend was worried about me. He asked her through chat, how am I. I was feeling lucky that time that I shed tears. Shallow of me. But I loved him so.

It was a year before our promenade, but we don’t bother asking some questions about it. He would ask me, If i would have the chance to choose who would be my prom partner, who would it be. Then I said, Mario. I didn’t ask him the question, knowing Hanah would be his answer. But he asked me, what if mario already had a partner, who would you choose? I said, whoever is available and is close to me, I would go with that person. Then he added, can Batman be? (Batman was his pet name or alyas whenever he would call home. Whenever he would ask m e a difficult question or favor, I would say, “Whatever Batman wants..” And he said, he was Batman since he was a kid. So, often times, I woud say, instead of Batman, “Whatever you want..” And when he would ask for himself, he would use the term Batman as substitute for his name.) Then I asked, “You are Batman, right?” He said, yes. I say, “I’m fine with it. Only if Batman would still be in the same school as mine next year. What if, you will transfer?” He just say, “I would still be there. ;)”

Christmas and New Year with him as my textmate was the most memorable and happiest ever. Since it was, I don’t know, his routine every Christmas and New Year that he would text me and greet or call me. He had done it for 3 consecutive years. And I loved it.

Christmas Eve, we were talking about the next year. I pretend to be a fortune teller. He asked me, what would his fortune be in 2007. I told him, he would get a girlfriend which he really liked the most. He told me, he hoped that will happen soon. I told him, don’t expect a lot ’cause I’m not a real fortune teller. He told me, he believes in me. Then after, he asked me, what would be me this 2007. I told him, I would still be me, supporting him. He only sent me a “HAHA”.

It was the best start of the year for me. We do lots of favor for each other. Even though we are not classmates, he would still prefer to borrow my notes than to anybody. He would borrow and give me treats in exchange.

Things between the closest friends can’t avoid involving into petty fights. I was hanging out with my friend, Myka, when I was texting him. He didn’t knew we’re together so, I pretend that I will go to sleep. Then I ask Myka if I could borrow her cellphone. I texted him, as Myka, and asked him how do he find me(Me, as usual). He says, he find me as his very close and dear friend. That made me feel very glad. I ask him how he was doing with Hanah. I asked him, if he really loved the girl. Then he never replied to that message. Instead, he changed the topic. But I insisted on that question. He asked where did I get those fact. Then I told him, it came from me(Me, as usual). He said I was a LIAR. I hate it. It gets into my nerves. I told him that I forward that message to me. That made him worry. And then I texted him, and told him to back off of me. And I didn’t texted nor made him feel I’m present for a week. He asked the favor of my friends to make me forgive him. And what I didn’t know, he made a reward for me to accept his apologies. He had used my friends. But I think, he did everything just to make him forgive him. I loved how he did it.

It was Valentines Day Eve that there are no classes. He called me at home and we tell stories on what’s happening in our lives. No talks about Mario nor Hanah. It was very smooth that it was one of those perfect conversations with him. Before the day ends and say hello to valentines day, he texted me. He asked me if I wanted chocolates. I said, I don’t mind. He told me to see him tomorrow morning so he could give it. As he said, we met the next morning. I was so shy that I didn’t go downstairs at lunch and recess. Then, dismissal day came, he saw me with my guy classmate, who is my busmate too. We were walking together that I didn’t notice me. By the time I got home, he texted me and said, “It’s Valentine’s day, who are you dating?” I said, “None.” He told me, “I saw you, dismissal time, you were with Son. So, is he your date?” I asked him, “If he is, so what?” He said, “So, he is?” Then I said, “If he is my date, what do you consent?” He finally answered, “Nothing.” Then, I didn’y get any answer back from him again after minutes, I texted him, “I have no date. I don’t mind having one. How about you?” He just said, “I have no one to ask out.” To make him feel good, “Well, that’s good, we both have no dates. We’re perfectly friends.”

Mitch, my girlfriend Myka’s sister, threw a birthday party in their house. It was also a beer party. I attended that party and got drunked. He was texting me, though I’m very drunked. He was asking me to go home early cause it isn’t safe going home drunk, he’s worrying I might threw up. I told him, I will be ok. I will be fetched there by my parents. He told me if I would not be fetch, he would be the one to fetch me. Though he don’t know where that place is. I ask him, how he was. He said he’s fine. He even told me, he fell out of love on Hanah. He asked me to go find him another girl to like. As for me, I’m happy. I also told him that Mario was inlove with my friend, Lyka. But that fact is true. So he told me, maybe I could be his fake crush. I told him, that’s good. I also told him, he would be my fake crush too. We had fun pretending we are liking each other, when I really liked him. It goes on until he admit to me, he really liked me. That pretentious event went to the next level, he asked when will I court him. (Just part of our fake thingies.) Then I said, I am very bashful to court him, if he want, he could be the one. Then he would ask, can I be his girlfriend, then I would answer him, yes. That’s one funny pretentious thing I ever did with him. We became fake couples.

We are that close when it comes to non-verbal communication. But we don’t communicate to each other in school. We talk from far apart at assemblies. When he is passing at the corridors, he would tease me. And one thing I can’t forget– HIS BIRTHDAY TREAT. When I ask him, through a text message, where is his birthday blow-out to me. He said, He would treat me when the classes resume. I said OK. When that day comes, I came up to him at our said meeting place. But we never even looked straight to each other’s eyes. I loved that moment.

The very unforgettable moment of my life came when he admitted to me that he liked me. Friday night, I was with my friend, who is a gay. He went in my house to get his jersey I borrowed him. I left my cellphone in the living area while I served him juice. Jestin was the name of my friend. He lived nearby. He spotted my cellphone in the living room and played a joke on my textmate. He asked Carlo who he was and why is he texting me. “Who are you?”, Carlo replied. “I am Mario, I am the cellphone owner’s boyfriend. Quit texting her or I’ll sue you.” Jestin said. I wanted to grab my cellphone from Jestin but he told me to wait, he had a good plan. “Sue me, I don’t care. I’ll sue you too, anytime and anywhere you want. I’ll beat you. Hell, I’m heating up” was the text message we received. I was so surprised. I never expected that he would act like that. No way! “I challenge you, face to face. Meet me on school. You’ll be dead.” That was Jestin’s reply. “Oh yeah, I’m on it. I will not back out. FCUK YOU!” I find those facts overly doed. That I ask Jestin to stop and tell him who he really was. Carlo was surprised that he was so ashamed, he told Jestin to go home. And I was really laughing and pretending I knew nothing about the prank. I just laughed it all to myself.

The next day, I was with my family on the mall. When my sister is buying clothes for her Soiree. I was still stucked on texting him 24/7. He kept on asking me, what if’s. “What if someone courts you, would you get into relationship with that person? What if someone tells you he liked you, what would you say?..” Things like that were those questions. he even asked me that if i would a relationship, would I prefer to be legal or keep it a secret. I told him, I could tell my mom, but not to my dad, or I’ll be dead. We came back to the day that we were courting again with all pretendings. I didn’t knew he was serious all along. But i kept on taking it as a joke and kept on answering him, “Yes, I do.” All day long, he kept on asking those question. Then night came, and it’s time for me to get to sleep, since I have to study first thing in the morning. Before we said our goodnights, he asked me something. “What if our pretendings came to reality. I mean, I am just your fake boyfriend. What if, I ask you to be your real boyfriend?” I was so shocked. I was really really shocked. I never thought that would happen. I even wake my brother and asked him to slap me, just to know if I was just dreaming or what. I told Carlo not to kid like that. But he said he was dead serious and his knees were shaking that he thought he would die if he admit it to me. But it’s real. But unfortunately, I ran out of load. He thought I get mad. But I wasn’t. It was the best day of my life. EVER. My dream came to life. Like, I didn’t want to wake up. But I’m awake.

The next day has been very difficult for him and for me as well. We’re getting our relationship into the next level that, I can’t control the feeling. But I should pretend I knew nothing. I should pretend I have no feelings for him. For him not to take advantage of me. It was the day before the final examinations began. We knew we’d be studying hard for it. He would text me if he would get a chance to escape from his mom, who is tutoring him. I know I shouldn’t touch my phone, but I can’t help it. I want to read those messages again. Afternoon came and we’re partly done studying. We had another serious conversation about what he admitted last night. I told him, I know it was only a joke so don’t bother ask anything about it. I’m ok. He told me, he was very serious about that that he kept it for 4years. Those messages were all in my head. I want to believe, but I have no evidence. He only mentioned it through text. And whenever we met at school, we would ran away from each other. His friend went to me and gave me the sim card so that he could call me often. It was the last day of classes. And all the special things happened althroughout.

I’ve been so busy hanging out with my friends after it has been announced that the classes were over, and it’s summer time. We hang out, as usually, to Myka’s house. That time, I reported to them what was my current status with Carlo. I would ask him what they think about him. Would he love me the way I do? Is he serious about me? My girlfriend said, “Why don’t you try asking him? Let the truth come up.” I did what she exactly told me. I asked him how serious he was. He said he’s ready to give up everything just not to lose me. After that message, I told him, I may not be able to reply immediately to his texts because I am in a party. But he said, he’ll wait. He told me to just text him right after I enjoyed the party. I said, OK. Though he knew I was enjoying, he kept on sending me messages like, “How come your taking it too long?” but the most memorable of all, “I’ll wait.” And a message, a very long message with only 1 phrase, repeatedly texted.. “I LOVE YOU MARINELLE.” in our language 100x. Which was very sweet and had it taped. All of his texts, I saved them all. I saved them all..

After 2 weeks, he has been there. Never left me. But I had a doubt, that he might still like Hanah up to that time. That we had a fight. But he proved, 100% there were no feelings left for Hanah. Just admiration. That finally, after another 2 weeks, Me and Carlo.. Had our way to forever.

Oh wait. You think this is a Happy Ending? No it ain’t. This was just the first half of the story. The 2nd and the most painful part will be posted the next month.

** Carlo, I know you belong to another girl’s arms already. But if you think I’m over you, I’m completely not. I was crying while you are telling me how happy you were when she finally said YES. I loved you. I’m sorry. I can’t get over you, though I tried really hard. I do really miss you, even if I’m telling you I don’t. I don’t want to get hurt even more. It’s very painful. It’s really hurting me. How come you’ve left me all alone, without any explanation. I need you. I need you even more. I LOVE YOU, always and forever. And while I’m typing this, I know you know.. that I’m crying. Wishing I could turn back those times, with you.

(The heartwarming story will be continued, and will be posted the next week. How Me and Carlo lived our lives in the midst of the challenges. How we loved and got so into each other. And how we ended up bitterly and unacceptable. By the way, I am Marinelle.)

Dearest my family,

I was so happy to have all of you guys….Mom and Dad, thanks for everythings that you guys did for me, but there is one significant thing that I forgot. I will return your kindnesses in my new born… I know that you guys hated mah girlfriend’s May, but you guys shouldn’t hated her that much because its wasn’t her fault.. Its was the old gentlemen, not her. I’m so sorry that i killed myself, but this is called LOVE. I will always cheerish you guys… Thank you to everyone!

loved,

Lee Vang

I wished that all the parents shouldn’t force their kids into like this…Love is love… Destiny is destiny…

THANK YOU!!