If only I could, I’d probably would.
she was the most perfect girl i have ever met, her smile was the only thing i can’t regret, her style was the perfect asset, and the way she loved was a perfect basis. She was only 12 then when i met her, gosh, her smile makes me stop breathing for a while, the way she act infront of me, makes my heart beat triple times faster than before, i really need her to be mine, but i can’t…we cannot be. i found my self contended looking at her, far away enough for she wasn’t be able to know i was staring, i am happy everytime she was smiling, i hate myself for loving her, even i know the fact i can’t. days and months passed, i already forgot her, i wasn’t able to see her everyday, and that served for me to forget what i have felt. But..damn that destiny…she moved in, beside our house, her family ask for our other house if they could stay their for a while..she was not that far anymore, i was able to see her as many often i can, and i cannot control myself not to like her more, and that was sad for me, because i know, damn! i can’t!…and the fact that we can’t be. My mother was her late father’s friend, they were in the same field when her father was still alive, that’s why since that day, i was able to see her everyminute, and sometimes, my mother invite them to eat with us, and play chess, scrabble, and we even spend our family hour with them, i can’t help but to deeply fall in love more deeper. one day, i was washing my clothes when my mother hand my clothes and ask her to help me, and i was really shy, i refused, and even said “i can do it on my own, i dont need somebody’s help”. she took them away from my hand and said “its okey, i have nothing to do”. my face turned red, and i have nothing to do, and actually, i liked it too, because i can spend my time with her, that was the first time, and honestly we enjoyed it. that seems to be the day when we became friend, that day started it all. we became close, we became penmates (highschool ways). we became more close, close enough for this heart fall even more and more deeper, that i cannot stand it anymore, so i decide, tell it now or never. So one night outside our house, it was raining, i told her how much i love her, she didnt answer, i know why…but after that day, she became more sweeter, as if ewe were, and one night 1 in the midnight, i know i was awake, looking her eyes, those eyes was shut, her lips was so hypnotizing, she slept by my side, damn, my heart are racing, my mind yell “kiss her” but my heart sayd “no, she’ll get mad”. but i find my self so close to her, i close my eyes and my lips began to toush her lips, my body was shaking, my mind yelling…”a dream come true”. i was shocked when her lips moved, she granted my dreams, she was awake….after, we woke up that morning, i can’t look at her face, i know, she was mad. but when i took a glance, she was smiling, and her face turns red, after that day, we became M.U(mutual understanding) finly the girl i was dreaming off became mine, we know we have loved each other, and very in love…but the worst day began, our love controls each others life, she became so strict, her love became so humilliating, mine too, we fought everytime, small things or not, even the way we wanted each other place before we sleep, the way she must look when she was with me, our friends, the time i must go home, and the circle of friends i wanted with her, we made each others life miserable, i even tested her love, i used somebody and told her we have an understanding, i know she was hurt, and i know i have hurt her, and that seems to be the reason why she moved away from me, she let me go, she told me she can’t hold on, thats when i realized, i made a stupid mistake, so i appoligized and promise not to do it again, months passd, we survived our love, and make it alright once again, well i tought so, but for her, she was in another arms while i tought she was mine, she kept it from me for 6 months, 6 damn long moths, until i finly ask her for the truth, because those past few days we have she was changed, her kiss, was not as lovely as before, her hug was not as tight as before, her words are much left unsaid, i knew it, i felt it, i know something was wrong, then it was november then, i ask her, when i hugged her and she told me “stop it, you might notbe able to live without me”. i know it, she was leaving me. i took my hands off of her, and said “is it your ex?”. “bhest!” she only can say was bhest….i know, her ex was the third party, well, at first i was the only reason why she left her ex, now she was leaving me because of her ex, it hurts so much, all i can do is cry,, 4 months in grief after i found out, what more it can hurt..with the fact that…i took her from him and now he took her from, what the hell can i do?? i wanted her to be mine again, but she told me “i love you, but we can’t work this out once again, we cannot have our forever, you know it, we once crosseed the line, even god never provided this kind of love, we broke his rules, now im telling you, we cannot, better love someone who you sure there’ll be forever, i want to be married, to have kids”. what more can hurt the fact “we both have same sex”. i never know how to end this feeling, how much more can this love will do to me, i knew it from the start, but i never believed it, infact, i believed it, i must have deleted it, but neither i saved it, damn this heart, why does it leads me to this pain felt like it was infinity. i miss her, badly, she was rigtht i must forget it and changed my way, what can i do?. if this heart can love someone she asked me too, i try so hard. now im left with the fact that “im scared to love” what if the one i will love will not love me as much she loved me?. if only i was a boy, i know, she will never leave me, maybe, we are together now, if only!. why???, why i need to love someone like her?. why her?. why to girl?. all i can do is watch now the rain falling, reminisce everything, back to days that only one girl who haved loved me accepted me, but i lose her, if only i could be that guy, i would definitely never let her go….
“i miss you, thank you” thanks for those days..and im sorry, ill keep our memories here in my heart forever, and that’s the only thing i can do, to make you believe in forever”.
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3 Responses to “If only I could, I’d probably would.”
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2 Girls ?? Damn
I was thinking that is the wonderful love you gave to each other
… Aw
Same SEX !!! Can’t read anymore
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It was a real sad love story…. You know… our story is the same, but the thing was… The author of this could be my BOY friend… and he was talking about me…. every thing is true…But you know., If only YOU DIDN’T test her… both of you would be with each other…
but that “IF” could not change anything at all….
You know… GIRLS are easily hurt.. that girl and I have same kind of attitude… that led me to say to you that you should not have that third party.. even if it was just a test… LOVE should not be tested like that If you know you yourself love that person…. show her how much you love her… even you’re hurt…. even if she’s strict….T_T… haysssssssss…. MOve on girl….
and change you’re views If you wanted LOVE FOREVER…
that’s all I can say….
Girl-Boy is much better…
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love is not about gender love is about love <3
im bi….
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