it kills me that she doesn’t feel it back…
I’ve liked this girl, M, for around 2 and a half years now, though I have never been able to tell her. I am a 17 year old male and she is the same age. We used to be quite good friends for the first year I liked her, we caught the same bus to school and would talk quite a lot during bus trips. We started to become quite open with each other, if we had problems we were able to go to each other and talk to each other about it. I loved having her there for me when I needed it, she was always so caring. I had always wanted to tell her how I truly felt about her, but I never thought she liked me in that way back. I was scared that things may become awkward between us if I told her, and I valued our friendship so much that I did not want to lose it. During the first year of liking her I started becoming attracted to another girl I didn’t even know, I started spending lunchtimes with her and she figured out that I liked her. We never started going out, as this girl told me she did not like me, I was never to fussed over her anyway. During this time M started going out with a boy, it did not last long however. I don’t think she has gone out with anyone since, from around 2 years ago. I still liked M a lot, and this feeling grew. We were still good friends. One day after school I came and sat down on the bus beside her as I usually would. She held onto my arm and asked me questions like how I was doing. I had just had PE and was quite sweaty, I told her she didn’t have to hold my arm because it was all sweaty. But she did anyway. I don’t know if anyone else would interpret this action in the way I did. I interpreted that she held on to me even though it may have been slightly unpleasant holding on to my sweaty arm, she was there for me even if it didn’t suit her. Maybe that’s stupid, I don’t know. But I do know that my feelings towards her grew significantly by this action. After a while she stopped catching the bus and would drive herself to school. I hated that she was gone, I missed our conversations so much. We barely ever saw each other as we only had one class together and we have different friend groups. Our friendship started to die away over last year, to the point where greeting each other if we walked passed one another was unlikely. I suppose I could have made more effort to talk to her. I reminded her a few times that I was always there for her if she needed anything or someone to listen to her. At times I questioned myself whether I should like her, at times I even tried to discard my feelings for her. I was unsuccessful, liking her felt so right, she felt like the perfect person to be with. This year I decided to ask her out for coffee, I asked her casually – so she didn’t think it was a date. She agreed to and sounded quite keen on it. The school ball was coming up and I had always wanted to go with her to it, always I wanted it to be her I went with. I asked her, I was so nervous that my mouth dried out. I had expected her to say yes, but she replied saying she had already asked another person. I felt like I had been ripped in two, I could not believe it. I had always dreamed of going with her. Going out to coffee with her was great, we got on well and caught up on a lot of things as we hadn’t had a decent conversation in a long time. She lived just over the hill and had walked there so I walked her back home. The next day I called her and asked if she wanted to catch up again soon, she replied saying she would rather go in a group. I didn’t really think she sounded overly keen on doing it. I made more effort on going up and talking to her at school, a few times we would have alright conversations. Then one time I tried going up to her and making conversation but she kind of just walked off as she was answering. It hurt that she didn’t really want to talk to me, it hurt a lot. For the next 2 weeks I was deciding whether I should tell her I like her or not. I knew she would say that we should just stay friends, but I really wanted her to know. She needed to know how amazing I thought she was. Finally I pulled up the courage to tell her. She looked really happy when I told her, I told her I thought she was amazing and I cared about her a lot. But she said what I knew she would say, that we should stay friends. She also said she wasn’t ready for a relationship. At first I wasn’t all that depressed about it, I was glad I had actually told her. But here I am on the day after when I told her and it has really sunken in. I’ve liked this girl for so long and I do not want to stay friends, as friends in our situation we barely see each other. Today at school was so hard, when I saw her I knew that she knows how I feel about her, but nothing was different. She means the absolute world to me and I would do anything to make her smile in a split second. I love her. Every time I see her face everything feels perfect and I feel happy. I love her so much and it kills me that she doesn’t feel that back. I understand she isn’t ready and I would never try pressure her to be.
I wish I knew whether she would want to become more than friends in the future.
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12 Responses to “it kills me that she doesn’t feel it back…”
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If you guys are meant to be then things will fall into the right places; take time and be patience true love will come;
Keep your head up and keep smilling; =]
Smile sweet; =]
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of all the stories i read in here, yours resonated with me the most, because it’s exactly what i’ve went through, two months ago. after weeks of deliberating and knowing i dun wanna hurt myself any longer, i decided to tell him that i’m letting my feelings for him go.
quite a strange way to confess, isn’t it.. usually when you confess, you tell the other person you like them, right? i told him i like him, but also told him i’m letting him go..
the next day after the whole confessing thing, it was school as usual, and “was so hard, when I saw her I knew that she knows how I feel about her, but nothing was different” was exactly how i felt.
now two months later, i know i’ve frozen my heart enough to not hope for anything more.. and we’ve been slowly drifting apart since then. but it still hurts to know that we were once close. memories do haunt, i guess. i just wish i didnt need to feel like i’ve lost a best friend =)
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Thanks alot for your support and advice.
sR, thanks alot for your post, i understand when you say that you wanted tell him your feelings and let them go. I also wanted to do the same for a long time but never did. It’s so emotionally draining. I really hope you and this boy do not drift apart any further, i do not want to drift any further away from this girl i like. I’m scared for next year, will i ever see her again? i don’t want her to leave my life completely. Even just seeing her at school each day sets my heart off, i love the feeling, but it hurts also. I hope you read this sR, please comment back.
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Im the same i feel im in love with her but she is one of my best friends people think we’re going out but its not like that at all…i said i want more than friendship and her response was i see you as nothing more than a friend,ripped me to shreds inside. She keeps saying she wants a boyfriend and in my head im screaming your looking at someone who’d give everything to be just that..its depressing to think about but im finished kidding myself that maybe just maybe..it still plagues my mind and i cant stop thinking of her,theres another girl who might be more girlfriend material but i dunno the other girl is who i really really want.
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Dude! I know exactly how you feel. I am Head over heals in LOVE with my Best Friend an have been sinc i first laid eyes on her 5 years ago. She knows that i feel this way becuase i told her 3 years ago and i have reminded her countless times that I am always there for her when she needs me nd will do anything she wants. I have tried everthing i can to get her to realize how much i love her i even bought her front row tickets to her Favorite Musical “WICKED”… She continually tells me we arent meant for eachother and that she loves me as her best friend but not in any other way. She even wants me to be her “MO” (maid if honor) when she gets married and same i want her as my best man or woman… LOL.. But honestly i dont want that i want her to be the bride at my wedding and me the groom at hers.. i want her to Love me as more then a friend cuz i would do anything for her anytime any place i would kill for her and i would give my life if it meant saving hers… She even writes poems about how wonderful a friend i am and how strong our friendship is… And continuously tells me that no guy is ever going to love her and that i am the most wonderful loving caring nicest guy on the planet and that she wishes she could find a guy just like me who loves her.. and i mean she is so clueless she knows i love her and says she wants a guy just like me.. well im like me and i LOVE HER!!.. it kills me to hear he talk about other guys and many nights a hold her picture in my hands and cry myself to sleep cuz i know i can never have her…..
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same story here frnds. She is getting married in Oct this year to another guy. She likes me to be with her as her frnd only. Sometimes when I try to tell her how much I love her, she just starts ignoring me and becomes a little rude as well sometimes when I try to tell my feelings to her.
what can I do. Helplessly, hold her photo and cry until I sleep. wish she loved me back. I don’t know if I will see her after she gets married coz she once told me that her inlaws have a home in UK as well. If she leaves forever, may be I will never see her again. Wish she she stays happy and smiling always. And this wish keeps me alive.
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well, it all started when a girl, who was moving in my house (she was an orphan) so my parents decided to adopt her. At that time, I was helping her all the time and so…., then we became friends. We’re in the same class…..I am 17 and she is 16. Well, I’m seeíng her often cuz she’s living in my house. We were sharing every secrets and so … . All what I know about her is that she had a BF…. and I well, what can I do….I’ve never had a gf and noone was interested in me…cuz except for humor and kindness, I can’t give her anything else…as I’m not so good/looking and so.. Then she became to like one of our classmate he’s quite popular…and she was using me to make them together…but well, I accepted it…cuz I like her…and I;m willing to do for her everything……it really kills my heart when she is talking about that guy…I also brought her to hospital when she was ill….ine day when she was hungry and she didn’t bring her money….I paid her dinner,even though I was hungry, but I pretended not to be……well, I think I;m never gonna to get her…..I’ve never even hug a girl….funny right? but yeah….as long as I can be near her……
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hah so similar to mine experience, except the fact that my Best Friend likes this other dude but she tells me she wouln’t date him(Lies)-i think.
She knows i like her and yet she says the same ” i wish id find a guy like you”
our friendship is drifting apart since i told her, she knows this too because ive talked to her about how she makes me feel depresses and what bugs me about us not getting along anymore.
She changes personalities now too. Shes happy one day and then the next she completely acts as if im a bother.
Sometimes i think if it be better to just tell her that i dont want to be her best friend and just move on because if she did end up going out with this guy it completely devastate me.
And im not in accordance with her being happy with someone and having her best friend still, simply because i would be the only one affected.
i dont want to loose her but shes making me think other wise and then when i talk to her about what bugs me she makes it seem like if i was the one to blame. heck its not my fault i liked her, and maybe if she actually have treated me like a best friend i would have never had this feeling for her. (she treated other best friends way differently)
for example: she greated them asking for a hug,
always waved at them but me…she only said hi and she talked about how great i was…psh but i guess what really bugs me is that she likes someone els and even tho she says she wont date him, i know she some day will because they alway hang out. and he leaches on to her…they both told each other what they thought but she told him she woulnt date in her last highs chool year. but if they hang out so much, im afraid something will happen in between them so if that does happen them im not talking to her ever again.
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Duuuude! I know exactly what you feel. I met this girl in one of my friend’s parties. We got to know each other by msn and casual conversations. After 2 months, I realized that i have fallen in love with this girl! We started to go out as a group and everything seems alright. One day, i summed up the courage to tell her that she means the world to me, and she said that she wanted us to remain friends. It hurts so much that i started to smoke and drink again, my grade are falling behind my usual A’s or B’s. My god, i never thought this feeling will come to me.
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i know how you feel. i am in love with this guy and i know he is the one for me, he is so perfect and he can save me and i can totally be myself when im around him, but he doesnt know that i like him and i dont think he likes me back. he liked me at one point, but we drifted and he got a girlfriend. i still respected him and i wasnt angry, and i went with other guys but deep down i knew he was the one for me. i decided i wanted to try again with him, fresh start, he wasnt going out with that girl anymore so i gave him time to get over her and then i slowly spoke to him more and more and we got real friendly. but now it seems like ive frightened him off, or maybe he just didnt pick up on the signs that i liked him. either way i dont think he likes me back and it kills me inside to think about that because i know he is the one for me. im not going to give up on him, i’ll just see what time does and where it’ll take me. maybe we might have a better chance in the future… i wish for him every night.. maybe my wishes will finally come true? hope is the best thing you could have in a situation like this. it keeps me going on and striving my way through.
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i had this friend for about a year now. at first i thought there is something more but later i realized that i am hallucinating and we are good friends after all! it kept going on like that and we shared lotsa things and hobbies. we really enjoy talking to each other until this friend of mine starting to drift away. for some reason my friend wouldn’t talk about it and i felt i really lost someone special.
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aww i h8 it wen u love some1 and they dnt give 2 fukz about ur feelingz it killz ;(
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