{"id":28772,"date":"2024-11-06T03:50:22","date_gmt":"2024-11-06T08:50:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/blog\/8-tips-on-how-to-use-mindful-confrontation-in-coaching\/"},"modified":"2024-11-06T03:50:22","modified_gmt":"2024-11-06T08:50:22","slug":"8-tips-on-how-to-use-mindful-confrontation-in-coaching","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/blog\/8-tips-on-how-to-use-mindful-confrontation-in-coaching\/","title":{"rendered":"8 Tips on How to Use Mindful Confrontation in Coaching"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">I\u2019d like to open this article by asking you a question: What has your experience been in using confrontation in your coaching?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">By asking this, I hope to direct your attention and awareness to your use of confrontation in your coaching.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">This is an example of what I call a mindful approach to confrontation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Confrontation often has a negative connotation, but it doesn\u2019t have to be a negative experience. If used mindfully, it can be a great coaching tool.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">In this article, I will discuss what confrontation is in the context of professional coaching and provide eight tips on how to use mindful confrontation in your coaching sessions as a powerful tool to help your clients achieve their desired outcomes.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">What Is Confrontation in Coaching?<\/span><\/b><\/h2>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">As a coach, you may confront (point out, approach, challenge) a client on a belief, thought, behavior, or action that you observe or notice might contradict the client\u2019s goal and possibly get in the way of their desired outcome.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Mindful confrontation is about bringing awareness into why, what, when, and how you use and deliver confrontation so it can be used safely and effectively to support your client.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Like any tool, confrontation can cause damage if not used safely and for the appropriate purpose. In the context of professional coaching, it is NOT:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\u00b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"17\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\u00b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">An aggression or attack.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559739&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:276}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\u00b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"17\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\u00b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"2\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">An accusation or criticism.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559739&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:276}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\u00b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"17\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\u00b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"3\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Any form of hostility or competition.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Why Use Confrontation in Coaching?<\/span><\/b><\/h2>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">To illustrate the purpose and function of confrontation in coaching, let\u2019s look at the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/resource\/icf-core-competencies\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">ICF Core Competencies<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\">. Although confrontation can be inferred in multiple competencies, it is a huge component of Core Competency #7: Evoke Awareness:<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559739&quot;:160,&quot;335559740&quot;:276}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">7.2 Challenges the client to evoke awareness or insight.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559739&quot;:160,&quot;335559740&quot;:276}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">7.4 Asks questions that help the client explore beyond current thinking.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559739&quot;:160,&quot;335559740&quot;:276}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">7.8 Helps the client identify factors that influence current and future patterns of behavior, thinking, or emotion.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">8 Ways to Cultivate Mindful Confrontation<\/span><\/b><\/h2>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">You cannot force your client to receive and respond to confrontation a certain way, but you CAN work on delivering your questions mindfully to help your client benefit from this tool.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">1. Build Rapport to Create a Safe and Trusting Environment.<\/span><\/b><\/h3>\n<p><b><\/b>You will likely not be using confrontation in your first session. Confrontation may feel uncomfortable, but your client (and you!) needs to feel safe. Use your judgment and bring awareness to the following:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Non-judgemental language<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">: Try starting sentences with \u201cI am noticing,\u201d \u201cI am sensing,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m curious about.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Non-verbal communication and body language <\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">such as<\/span> <span data-contrast=\"auto\">eye contact, body posture, and gestures.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559739&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:276}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Your tone <\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">(Talk low and slowly).<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559739&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:276}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Your surroundings and environment<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> (i.e. physical space, background).<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559739&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:276}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\u00b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"14\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\u00b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"5\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The client\u2019s culture (cultivate <\/span><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/flowcoachinginstitute.com\/blog\/building-cultural-competence-in-your-coaching-practice\"><b><span data-contrast=\"none\">cultural competency<\/span><\/b><\/a><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> in your practice).<\/span><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><b><\/b><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">2. Check Your Intentions.<\/span><\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">As with any tool, you want to ensure you know why you are using confrontation. ask yourself:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">How is this serving the client?<\/span><\/b><\/li>\n<li><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Why am I using this and why NOW?<\/span><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Have a purpose for using confrontation and stick to the client\u2019s agenda, not your agenda for the client.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">3. Help Prepare Your Client for the Confrontation. <\/span><\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">This increases their sense of personal agency and helps them feel respected, safe, and in control of the situation. You can do this by:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Including it in the coaching agreement<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">: When designing and updating your coaching agreement, define confrontation with your client and if they agree to be confronted and\/or if it is a preferred strategy.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Asking permission: <\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">You don\u2019t have to ask, \u201cCan I confront you on something?\u201d (the word \u201cconfront\u201d can elicit an immediate negative and defensive reaction). Instead, you might say, \u201cI\u2019m curious about something that I am noticing. Are you open to receiving this right now?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">4. Be Creative With Your Questions. <\/span><\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Here are three of my favorites:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span data-contrast=\"auto\">If you were to confront yourself about this, what might that feel or look like?<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Is there anything that you feel I should be confronting you about that I am not?<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span data-contrast=\"auto\">If confrontation were to come into our session (personifying it), what might it look like, say, observe, or notice?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><b><\/b><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">5. Know When To Let Go.<\/span><\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Give the client space to receive and process the confrontation and let it do its work. However, you also need to know when it is not working and may be time for a new approach or conversation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">It is okay to try it, and if you feel it is not supporting the client where they are now, let it go.<\/span><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> To determine this, it helps to:<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Be present and use active, empathic listening <\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">to pick up on cues and the client\u2019s current emotional state.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Check-in and follow up with the client <\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">about how they<\/span> <span data-contrast=\"auto\">felt the session went.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">6. Demonstrate Compassion.<\/span><\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Deliver confrontation from a place of common humanity, empathy, understanding, kindness, and warmth, and with the desire to help your client.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">7. Practice Trauma-Informed Care.<\/span><\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Explore this approach, which assumes that an individual is more likely to have experienced trauma than not, and being mindful of this can cultivate a <\/span><span data-contrast=\"none\">safe and supportive environment for clients. You can read more about trauma-informed approaches <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/socialwork.buffalo.edu\/social-research\/institutes-centers\/institute-on-trauma-and-trauma-informed-care\/what-is-trauma-informed-care.html#:~:text=The%20Five%20Guiding%20Principles%20are,that%20the%20provider%20is%20trustworthy.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">here<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">8. Reflect and Learn From Your Use of Confrontation.<\/span><\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Engage in reflections through journaling, listening to recordings, and mentor coaching.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Whether confrontation is a new tool for you or something you want to learn and develop further, I hope these eight tips will add to your coaching toolbox so you can use confrontation in a way that supports your clients and your own professional coaching journey!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">I\u2019ll end with how I started \u2014 a question \u2014 what areas, perhaps not listed here, do YOU feel you could be more mindful of when using confrontation with your clients?<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I\u2019d like to open this article by asking you a question: What&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":6992,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_searchwp_excluded":"","footnotes":""},"audience-type":[115,118,121,124,120,117,113,114],"display-option":[],"post-type":[128],"topic":[85,60],"_person-tax":[1935],"class_list":{"0":"post-28772","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","6":"hentry","7":"audience-type-coach-educators","8":"audience-type-experienced-coaches","9":"audience-type-external-coaches","10":"audience-type-icf-chapter-leaders","11":"audience-type-internal-coaches","12":"audience-type-new-coaches","13":"audience-type-professional-coaches","14":"audience-type-team-and-group-coaches","15":"post-type-blog","16":"topic-coaching-toolbox","17":"topic-discover-your-coaching-career","18":"_person-tax-1935","19":"not-partnership-post","31":"_person-tax-27843","32":"has-featured-image"},"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28772","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/18"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28772"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28772\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6992"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28772"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"audience-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/audience-type?post=28772"},{"taxonomy":"display-option","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/display-option?post=28772"},{"taxonomy":"post-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post-type?post=28772"},{"taxonomy":"topic","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/topic?post=28772"},{"taxonomy":"_person-tax","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachingfederation.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/_person-tax?post=28772"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}