Just dont know how to understand it…
hey..im Julia….and his name is Andrey…
13th of june i was having my b’day at a club “BLING”…i was dancing on the dj desk..and he was down staring at me..flirting with me..and when i got down he stoped me and started dancing with me..and by this we changed numbers and started chating…
he said that he doesnt want relationship..even if didnt ask any of such questions..i knew i liked him but i didnt show it..
14th of june..00:34 we went out sittin nearby my house…talking and i was really interested..again he was flirting with me….
15th of june we went out same place he was with his friend..he was just sitting..then andrey puted some music..and started dancing around me…touching me with his soft hands..and then he kissed me…and then we were sitting he was hugging me..and his friend was talkin…and then Andrey says in romanian to his firend:” Man,i dont want to let her go,i wnat to stay like this forever!”. His friend translated it to me…
For one month we were perfect he was running to hug me,kiss me..I was the happiest person ever…I idealized him..he was and still is the ONE for me…and on the last week i felt something was wrong..he stoped answering on the calls on the msgs and stuff.. i told him i feel like its not worcking out,even if i knew i loved him..He said no pls dont leave me..And with cold tears on my eyes i said i will not! After a week when it was the day that we were like a month together..
15th july night
me: hey dont u think we need to talk..?
he: ye tell me..
me:whats wrong did i do something wrong..?
he:no its the fact that a relationship between us will never actually work.And im not the pationt kind of guy..(forgot to mention im 14 he thinks im 16 and he is 22..)
and on this it was over…But i asked a last question..
me:hey,dont think im running after u,IM NOT THAT TYPE OF A GIRL..just let me ask one last question did we broke up just because we didnt have sex?? and pls answer me cz its a shame to drop a tear for that…
no answer… i felt like he disrespected me…
i was depressed for one month i was living with thoughts of him..i still had the feeling how he holded my hand..i still had his taste in my mouth and still had his smell..and i had the sound in my ears the way he breathes and how his heart beats..i still feel the vibration of the road under my feet when he walks…
we didnt talk at all… and …
29th september ..his birthday…01:23
me:is it ur birthdat today??
he:kinda…
me:happy brthday hope ur day passes good..good luck X
he: tnx x
me:anwz wont take ur time…
he:no u dont take it..i was actually planning to go for a walk..wanna join me?
i just couldnt say no..i loved him!!
me:ye sure
29th september 01:50 we meet,,,
we were talking and then…
he: u have smth in ur head cm on tell me…
and i was thinking about how much i wanted to bring everything back…
and he was pissing me off to tell him and i was about to slap him..he took my hands and huged me and i couldnt feel any part of my body..i nearly started crying….
then he says: i know that theres a question bothering u for a long time…
i understood wich..the last…
he says:are u ready to hear the answer ?
me:yes
he:Look 1.u where locked i couldnt find the way to open ur soul..that means u dont trust me..Ofcourse u cant cz im working as a waiter and im always in the place where theres alot of women..2. difference is the age…u have to fight for smth u want..
he started telling about his love story in romania..They were datin for two years..she used to come to his place to jusst sleep with him..for him waking up with his love was the best feeling…and he fighted with everyone just because of her..and he comes home he takes off his shoes..crying..puting his shoes on..and leaving…because he cannot sleep in the bed where they were wakin up together..he cried every single morning..because he didnt see her face next to his..since then he couldnt fall in love..
me:then why u got into relationship with me?
he:I just couldn’t ignore u passing from me,I just had to!…because i thought it was u the ONE… u were up and i was down u were a GODDESS… u were special to me…u were the ONE of a kind..U may not believe me but i still care about u alot..i just didnt wanted to get hurt again…
me:but u hurt me…thats called selfish..i idealized u and u r repaing to me like this…
he:why u idealized me?? im nothing..!!!!
me:but u r everything to me!!!!!!
silence..( P.S. when we broke up i cuted of his name on my hand where the veins were) and cz i was really nervous i was shaking my eyes were full of tears but i held them..Then my veins started pulsing and the “A” got shown..and he saw it… he felt on his knees took my hands…and..
he:why did u do it?!?! i dont deserve it?!?!
me:i love u and u deserve it…
he took me up as i was sitting and huged me tight..i still couldnt let my tears fall..and then we were talking… and we decided to go by our houses it was late..
i pulled my hand in front to hand shake..he said u know i would never do this…and he huged me tight…then we started leaving then i said: STOP!!
he:what…?
me: (silently with a cried off eyes and smile on my face) happy birthday…
he runs to me hugs me and kisses me on the cheek…he:u just made my day
then we went by our houses..
i realized that he was alone he wasnt talking to his friends…and was the only one near him…
and for one week every night he was calling me…than yeterday i went to “BLING” again and he was there..i was dancing on the dj desk and he was down staring me…i went down he stoped me and started dancing with me…i cant describe this feeling how he touched me over the belly over my back..the way he holded me..and the way he took me on his hands up and the whole club was looking at us…i was like flying…there was this song we were dancing on WILL.I.AM-HEARTBRAKER…and i was showing on him that yes u are..and he just huged me tight and said im sorry……and it was like this for the whole night and then when there were the last songs playing he kissed me…i was on 7 TH HEAVEN..and then he said that im crazy and i steped off and said ok i wont touch u and he grabbed hugged and kissed me…
Then i left and texted him..: u know the song heartbraker is deffinitly urs..
he:why is that?
me: think a bit…
no reply…
Today
me:hey can we meet tonight?
and no reply….i guess he just used me….. And for the whole day i cant breath …my heart hurts i cant stop crying..smoking a ciggaret by a ciggaret…listening to the same song for hours Skillet-dont say goodbye…
and i feel like he already said it…..
…I remember when he told me that I should never fall in love..Because it hurts like shit..But I couldn’t believe it because I loved HIM…and for me he is everything…for some time I was trying to prove to myself that I wil get through this that I was running after my feelings not after him…but it turned the other way….I AM FUCKING IN LOVE WITH HIM…….
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One Response to “Just dont know how to understand it…”
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whoa..thats prety shallow of him. i know what it feels like to be hurt and to be left alone. and the feeling you get when he texts you, gone. shit happens, and thats his loss.
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