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my best friend..

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i had a best friend once. hes a boy. im a girl. hes name was m. m and i used to be so close. we share almost everything together. our love life,friendship,problems. the beauty of our friendship was that no one really knew how close we were and we liked it that way. while at school, we were just like normal friends who say hi, talk but dont really hang out. but outside,we were the best bud. only my closest friends know about him. when he told me about his crush or his secret admirers, i didnt feel jealous of it but instead, i felt happy for him.one day,i was really pissed and he was the one that cheered me up. since that day, i knew i could rely on him. and since then, he was always there for me. but then, i started to look at him differently. i was confused. i really didnt know what i felt. its like a great big mixture of different kind of feelings. then it hit me,.i couldnt have liked my best friend. if i told him what i felt, then our friendship would never be the same.i just knew it. so i kept to myself of what i feel because at that same moment, one of my girlfriends had a motor crush on him and he seems to respond. i wouldve never get in the way and i know where i stand, their best friends.a year later, i got a note from someone telling me how they felt about me. a secret admirer. m used to always tease me. it didnt make me angry though, it made me laugh. for a whole week, ive been receiving these notes and text messages. i became to get curious of who was the sender. i asked m if he knew anything about it but he just stood there in silence then suddenly burst out laughing.i was damned confused. he then told me that ill know within these few days. so i waited. the following week, a guy from my class, A, came to me and admitted that he was the one that had been sending the notes and messages. i was shocked because i never really knew him. all i know that he was the top 3 honor students in my school. but he seemed so sweet so i decided to go out on a date with him when he asked me. in a month time, he became my boyfriend. ive decided not to like m anymore cause itll be awkward for us so i let A into my life. after a week weve been a couple, he admitted that m was the one that filled him out about me. i was kinda shocked that m was actually hooking me up with A. so i knew he didnt mind if i had a boyfriend. and A turns out to be one of ms bud. weird how i never knew.after 9 months, i broke up with A. why? because i realized that i still liked m and i didnt want to lie to A or myself. besides, i was going to a girls school anyway. so i wasnt going to see much of A anyway. A was staying at the same school. m was going to an all boys school near my school. so we became bff again.after a year, i still had the same feeling to m. i still liked my best friend. the second year, rumors started to go around about me n m together. i was confused. even one of my friends called me and asked me why i broke up with m. i mean hello!!since when were we dating?? plus the girls at school asked me if i was really ms girl. i said no, we were just friends. until one day, i was tired of all that. i pluck up the courage to ask him what was i to him. and he just answered, up to you.what do you think of me?..not gentle at all! that wasnt the answer i was expecting for.i didnt know what i expected, but i wasnt pleased at all! so i asked him once again. finally he answered, what if i want you to be my girl?. i was actually surprised but i accepted him because i have had a crush on him all this long. i was happy yet mad that day. really not sure why. after 2 months weve been together, i realized that we werent as close as before. i actually missed my best friend.then i finally did something i should have never do. i regretted to accept him as my boyfriend. i realized we were better of when we were friends. i mean, before, if i was angry at my boyfriend or something, i go to m. but now i cant. well, because hes the one im angry at. i realized that he wasnt as caring as he used to be. he doesnt call me, doesnt text message me when im out of prepaid, he just appear when i approach him. i think my other boy friends could do much better than him. he actually had disappointed me. i felt sad. i loved him more when we were friends. i missed him more when we were friends. i cared about him more when we were friends. i liked him more when he were my best friend. and now hes mine..but why am i not happy??


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