PAST AND PRESENT first entry so bare with me folks

alright…this is my first entry so bare with me folks… So, everyone I know online or met I should say always ask me why im online if Im such a hot guy and single…Im not saying I am they just say it. I hate it. Id show them my pic and theyd be like WOW your hot. Yeah Im a jock, I played football, basketball, lacrosse and I still do some sports, but I want a girl who is into me more then the physical aspect. Just how I want a girl. I want a girl with personality not looks. I mean dont get me wrong looks is just an added bonus to that hot personality.Anyways moving along…I met this girl on this site…I know online dating wtf? I was just in it to talk to meet new people, I was 16 and I wanted to see what was out there since Im from the country and Im not really open to things,which I want to be. Her name is Gabriella. Honestly shes the most sweetest, caring, understanding, loving thing you can ever meet. At first I was dating a girl at the time who happened to become best friends with Gabriella. Wed always joke around with each other that playful type playing, but somehow we ended up on top of each other and close to kissing…Yeah it was online but for some odd reason it felt real to me. She got into a relationship with this guy who tried taking my girlfriend at the time, after that we kind of just fell apart we didnt talk for almost 4 years.!–more–4 years past and Im getting to know everyone on that site I was talking about before, and people are beginning to know me. I met one girl named Marissa she was just a friend, like one of my older sisters you can say who I loved to talk to cause we talked about all the craziness in her life and mine. At this point I broke up with my girlfriend from before. One day Marissa asked me if I knew this girl Gabriella at first I was just like nah.., then Marissa was like are you sure? she showed me her nickname on the site and my heart just idk it started jumping and sinking at the same time. Weird feeling, So i told her yeah I did in the past it was a long time since we talked. A few days past, in those few days I constantly asked Marissa how Gabriella was doing and how was she and all that.Marissa asked me if I wanted to talk to her again, I said sure. Marissa gave me her new nickname and all to add her to my friendlist. So I added her and all that and noticed she added me as well. I looked at my friendlist cause it tells whos on, first thing I sawher nickname and literally my heart jumped. It took me a good few minutes to talk to her. I was so nervous.I finally got the courage to talk to her we talked you know the casual talk hey how are you? and all that. We talked for the whole day till she decided to go to bed. I didnt want to let her go but as a gentlemen I let her go and said gnight and all that. Next day comes we talked started flirting for a little bit. I didnt want to ask her the boyfriend question (do you have a boyfriend) and all that so she said something about being hot and I was just said well your boyfriend is a lucky guy. Literally there was a few seconds of nothing happening, then she saidyeah…he is…just like that. I asked her about him and the more I found out the more I started getting jealous and yes I get jealous. Then we got more in depth with each other. She told me some things that were to good. I told her to leave him, but she loved him she couldnt. I wouldnt blame her. Its hard leaving a person you love. So for the next couple of months were talking about the same old stuff and I dont know where it came out but I told her that Ive always liked her. She gave me an answer of oh… she told me that she liked me the same way so we started making out and I guess I got a little to carried away and she said oh my… We didnt do anything after that we just went back to talking and flirting. Till I got a new girlfriend. I told her and she didnt even care. She said oh good for you.We didnt talk as much then cause she got a new boyfriend and I had a new girlfriend. So a year later we break up my girlfriend and I so does Brie and her boyfriend. We started talking again and we both decided to try and go out with each other. Things were a little awkward it wasnt like how we talked before when we werent dating. It was like that for 2 months till I stupidly got jealous and immature and broke up with her cause I thought she cheated. We stopped talking again for almost 5 months. I started hooking up , making out no sex,and semi-dated a girl and I thought I didnt care for Gabriella at all in that girlfriend way, but when she told me about her new guy the more I got jealous and it drove me crazy. I broke with my semi-girlfriend. I ran to Gabriella and told her that I still loved her. and I wanted to work things out. I made promises that id never hurt her, never lie to her, anything that would cause her pain I promised I wouldnt do. Everything was going great we talked thing out we had more communication then the first time. Physically we took things slow cause she wanted to and I respected that. I didnt want to push her into something she wasnt ready for. So were good for 6 months till one day. She broke up with me telling me that we would never work and that we shouldve just hid our feelings for each other. In front of her I was just like alright I respect that left and cried for the next two weeks. My friend Britney who I used to date…kinda my childhood girlfriend I guess you can say. was also friends with Gabriella asked her why she broke up with me and basically said there was another guy. My heart dropped and I cried even more. To the point where I said Id stop talking to her. We stopped talking for atleast a month a little more or so. We started talking recently where I found out she lost her virginity to this guy and that she was getting pregnant scares. I was fuming inside but trying to keep cool. Sometimes I got so angry that we just kept fighting for a couple days straight. It still hurts me that she lost her virginity cause when we were together we talked about doing it together, having kids, being married and all of that…she pretends like nothing happened between us…I dont know it just sucks that I love this girl so much and no matter how much Im letting her go she doesnt want me to cause she keeps running back to me about her life and she practically asks me about everything in my life telling me she wants to move in with me and Gabriel (If you havent read my profile Gabriel is my son. My sisters son who recently passed away and I adopted). So yeah thats my sad love story…I just wish I can find a girl that will make me forget all about Gabriella…I hope shes out there…Feel free for any advice. Take Care.Justin,