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Whats wrong with me
Want to read another story? Click here or scroll below.I don’t really think theres any need to mention my name, since im sure you probably won’t want to hear about that. But just in case you would some how like to get a hold of me my name is blank. Theres not too much to say since the last time i wrote to you.
I live a very confusing live most of the time it doesn’t make any sense to me. What i mean by that is why ive done the things that ive done and why i continue to do them instead of stopping. I guess my case isn’t easy to describe but ill try my very best.
As i said before my name is blank. I would rather not use my real name. I am currently in middle school and i have a boyfriend. For some reason i am depressed most of the time. Its pretty obvious how much i love him and that is a lot. I’ve cut myself and im trying so hard to stop myself.
But it seems that every time i close my eyes i either see just one more way that i could do that i also have been having the weirdest dreams ever. I am a married teenager to an adult man but i live in the house next door one night when i went to go visit him before i go to sleep theres this girl inside the house and shes wearing all black her eyes are bleeding but her hair is covering most of her face so its hard to tell what she looks like exactly.
She appears in front of me in a n of an eye with a knife and starts to cut all over me. My story isn’t too much a sad love story as much as just a sad story. This summer in July i got in a huge fight with my boyfriend he was angry with me because he thought that i told his friend that he was a bi and he kinda had a crush on him… actually he did have a crush on him.
It got to the point where he broke up with. i remember that day so perfectly my friend and i were at brookefield mall shopping when it happened. I had a major breakdown in front of everyone. Later we worked things out and got back together but ever since then ive been feeling like i need to protect myself because im never sure when this may happen again.
I guess you could say i am a very jealous person. I have no reason to i know how much he loves me but how can i ever feel the same way after that? He hurt me so terribly before even giving me the chance to explain myself. If he would’ve let me explain he would’ve known how much that hurt and that i would never do that. Especially considering i hate his friend that knew about it. I need help in many ways.
This isn’t the first time ive cut myself but its definitely the worst ive done and im almost positive that if i wasn’t here typing this now id be up in my room with a knife to my leg ( theres no more room on my arms). I also did some things this summer that ive been dieing to tell him but i don’t want him to get mad and break up with me and it bothers me so much that hes been spending all his time with this other girl.
He knows how much i need him and he knows how important it is that he keeps me safe from myself. Its kinda hard to do that when your always with another girl, right? Whats wrong with me? Those are the words ive been asking myself for months now..
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